Highs & Lows
To date a med school boyfriend...this is a true test on a relationship. He studies long hours, and I work long hours - I like to look at this as just a part of our journey. I have done a long distance relationship previously - this honestly isn't even close to that. Dating a med school student is like a tease - you see the person you love for about 3-5 hours a day (most of time that we spend together is me cooking dinner and right before I head off to bed). But, everything will work out....
Spants is well into his second year of his studies - 7 more years left until he is a real doc (2 years of rotations, 4 years of residency, and one year of a fellowship). Why so many years? Well, he is aiming to become an ortho. Honestly, I cannot think of anyone that would be able to do what he wants to do better...he is truly devoted to his goal of being a doctor.
Lets be real...now that school has started again we rarely see each other. Weekends -- What are those? I spend them alone most of the time, if I am lucky I can join up with some pals and hang...but...it is a lot of stag time. I chose to spend time along because I want to be available to Spence whenever he may need me, so, if he gets done studying early you 'betcha I am there to hang with him! It is almost like I am single and have amazingly HIGH self morals. Sometimes it drives me bonkers, but, I am getting used to it. A lot of people have shown their concern about me dating a med school student because they have been there and done that - have no fear...I am figuring it out. My days are consumed with arts & crafts, trips to the beach, shopping, sleeping, runs and long rides...it really isn't that bad. Okay, so there are some downers...I really don't like knowing what time he will be home, and doing a majority of the cooking and cleaning (I still cannot stand taking out the trash) - if anything I am becoming wicked domestic - hahaha!
Spence and I have been together for about two years. We have known each other since we were 15 - thank you ski racing. We grew up about 6 hours away from each other - we went through a short stent in highschool were we were 'dating'. When I moved to LA we have hardly spent time apart, personally, I do not like being away from him that long. In total I think we have spent maybe a total of 2 weeks away from each other...with him visiting med schools and winter break. I like to think that we live together very harmoniously - who really knows though? I only know two other girls that are in the same position as me right now...although I know there are thousands out there doing the same thing.
So, for those of you out there trying to figure out how on earth to date a med school student here are some things I have figured out:
1. Try to settle on a estimated time you will both be home (if you live together). This way you are both not worried about trying to figure out when each other will be home - anticipating what the other is currently planning for the night. Normally, we are both home by 7:30. If you don't live together try to make sure you set up a date night at least once a week, where you get to spend some quality time together.
2. Get used to cooking and cleaning alone. I do a majority of the picking up and creating meals (which if you know me, you know I OWN the kitchen - so I really cannot complain about cooking). I still expect Spants to pick up after himself, but, if the living room needs vacuuming or the bathroom needs to be scrubbed I know it is my responsibly. If his laundry has been sitting unfolded for days, I take it upon myself to A) move it so it is out of the way or B) fold it and put it away. We have a specific place where biking stuff lives (since we are both avid cyclists) and I make sure everything is in the appropriate place.
3. It never hurts to pull 'em away from their studies (only if they don't have a giant test coming up). I think that in order for Spants to stay sane he needs to go on runs or rides with me every now and then. He needs a break, sometimes I think it takes me pulling him away from his studies to realize that. My mom always told me 'if you don't know if the night before you go to bed, you are not going to know it last second'. Spence has been really good about taking a night every now and then to go out to the bar with me and friends when he isn't super stressed out. I also think it is important for to let him be around his friends, luckily, since he completed his undergrad up in LA we are not too far away from all of his college friends. He can visit them (seldom...but he does..) and realize that YES he is still normal...
4. Try to do general tasks like grocery shopping together. This way you both have the food you want...and it is another way to take a 15 minute break together.
5. Always ask if they need anything - sometime the simplest task become a pain in the butt, like grabbing shampoo from Target or dropping something off at the dry cleaner.
6. You are now a reminder - Sometimes I think i am a personal assistant (in a good way - hopefully not an annoying way) to make sure bills are paid, mail is picked up, hair cuts are done, etc...Spence is really good at taking care of personal tasks, but, I like to just remind him every now and again.
7. If you have something that is bothering you, make sure you share your feelings. Sometimes I think that Spants can get too caught up in studying to tell that something is really bothering me - so...let it all out. Don't let it happen often - but, don't bottle it up either.
8. Separate yourself. Sometimes, if I know Spence is trying to study for something that is really important I like to separate myself and go into another room so I am not a distraction. Face it...sitting there in the same room watching TV is going to get is attention and chances are he is going to be watching that instead of studying. I don't mind doing this at all, it means I either get to read, watch chick flicks or get to bed early!
9. Keep it light hearted. Don't take it personally if studying reins supreme over you. Make sure you do take time to joke around - just because you are dating a med school student doesn't mean they have lost their sense of humor (unless they never had one to begin with....).
10. Let 'em do there thang. Spence likes to play video games...whatever...when he has time to do that (or whatever a med school student likes to do). Let them...think...you can do whatever you want basically whenever you want - if I wanted to play video games all weekend, I could because I have the time...they don't have that time...sooooo when they do have time to do non-medical things - let 'em.
11. Bake cookies! Seriously...do it! I force Spence to bring them into his study friends. They all love it.
12. Enjoy your youth. Show your love - do the things that you want to do.
Sending Love from SoCal!